unpredicted

2012-02-10T09:13:00.000-08:00

"what do you love about me?" She asked.

she is an idiot who never fails to stand by me even when the world is against it. she believed in me when even I didn't believe in myself. she loves me and my flaws. she is beautiful.
Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld from M1.

2012-02-07T03:21:00.001-08:00

Dear Yu Han,

It has been a magical journey with you for this past year. Every heart break, every problem, and every moment of sadness has brought us closer together than I would have ever imagined. Although we just barely made it, I am glad that we managed to pull through.

Loving you gives me a feeling I know that I can never get with any other girl in the world. From you being an annoying and irritating princess, to you being the mature and responsible woman I want to settle down with.

Once I first heard the news that you and Xander got together, I suddenly felt that my world was empty, and that nothing else mattered anymore. I didn’t realize how important you were in my life, and that subconsciously, you were the center of my world. You annoying little asshole.

Vying for your attention was really difficult, I swear. There were many occasions that I just wanted to give up and move on, but there were many more times that I knew I couldn’t live without you. Not a day has passed by that I don’t think of our future – of us living together, us settling down and having kids, and us growing old together.

Everything with you is awesome, even the SMS of you telling me to go screw myself and me telling you to burn in hell. There are so many things I want to do with you, and so many things I have planned for us together. Give me your hand, and let me take you on our own little fairy tale.

You are the best thing that has happened to me, and in turn, I want to be the best thing that has happened to you too. There will be many difficult times for us ahead, but there is nobody else I’d rather go through them with but you.

Over and over again, I will tend to get more annoying, so you just have to suck it up and stick with me. And I promise, I will suck it up and stick with you too. Remember our promise of 3 working days, followed by awesome make up picnic!

Us being together has brought many happy and shitty times not only for us, but for the people around us as well. But remember this well, I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again. Baby, I love you, and I will fight to keep you by my side. This I promise you.

Loving you,

Your little tekong boy <3

Once you finished reading, read the first letter of every paragraph

Why all the hate my dear?

2012-02-07T02:51:00.000-08:00

There is no point trying to be angry.

A wise friend told me, i dont need to be the prettiest girl to feel confident. I am the prettiest when i'm fearless.

I'm happier today than yesterday and that all that matter.

War with myself

2012-01-24T10:11:00.000-08:00

I feel such at war with myself.

Being a young adult, there is so many decision that I'm unsure of. Conflicting of interests and the fear of losing track of what's important in life.

To know and to assume makes a huge difference and I'm about to make a decision I'm not sure I'm assuming or if I know.

I'm moving out of my place. Can I? Should I? Will I survive? What about my mum? And my future? Should I throw it will away along with dignity. I'm dying inside and yes I wish I could do better, better in my studies and everything else. Just so I leave this house asap.

I'm jus thankful that among all people chris is around to help me through this tough time. I like that he is the only one that listens and not shooting me with opposing ideas to make peace with my dad who is unbearably arrogant and stuck up.

In this quiet night, I wish he was here so that I can cuddle in his arms and know that I'm safe.
Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld from M1.

A lil peter in my life

2011-12-21T06:00:00.000-08:00

Of all odds, its still him somehow.
Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld from M1.

2011-10-08T08:39:00.000-07:00

I shouldn't be missing chris, but I think I do... What am I suppose to do?

2011-10-07T13:51:00.000-07:00

I like it when he sings to me, even when he look super silly and stupid.

I'm so touched

2011-10-03T06:21:00.000-07:00

Omg I swear this is the sweetest thing I have ever hear.

we both have our own fears from our past relationship,I will let mine fade away and take yours away from you. Xan

Sorry.

2011-09-30T22:13:00.000-07:00

I met him for 2 days straight. It was fun, it was enjoyable.

Heart beat racing, i woke up from a nightmare and guess who was around? We went for breakfast and eventually spent the whole day out. And we are going out on sunday again. Honestly I thought I will be happier but its okay, I going through a phrase and I know it gonna take time for me to forget you. An awesome friend he is, I'm excited to go out and have fun cause it take my mind off.

Not a day you have left that I did not miss you or stop the urge of calling and texting you. Our Polaroid photo of happy times reminds me that love is pure and sometimes we forget that. Every book I read, I book marked it with your smile yet for once I would like to talk to him or anyone without you being the topic of my sentence.

I can't help myself but check my phone umpteen time to see if I got a message.

I love you and I miss you but I'm doing everything to forget you. I don't blame you for giving me hope, I blame myself for not being strong enough to walk away from it.

2011-09-27T10:38:00.000-07:00

You think that true love is the only thing that can crush your heart, the thing that will take your life and light it up or destroy it.

2011-09-27T09:53:00.000-07:00

One minute you are stand on solid ground, the next minute... You're not.

Nobody starts a relationship thinking it will fail. You think yours is the one that's gonna make it. So it always comes as a shock. The moment when you realize its over.

I hate to see all the skaters move on, like terrence and krystal, ernest and becca, jireh and zhi yi, gabriel and ivy.

I tell myself me and chris we are different, we will make it through but I was wrong.

everything sucks

2011-09-26T11:38:00.000-07:00

As if i'm not having a bad time already.

now chris is becomes an issue. then that idiot guy's gf is an idiot too. then friends then people. who i should meet, who i shouldnt meet.

Who is good or who is bad.

I choose to believe the good in people but they make me think that there is nothing worth protecting about other people. its myself i should protect. i should be selfish and nothing but selfish.

I stop believing in happily ever after love. There is only lust and motives and gain. No one will probably love me cause eventually its a breakup all over and again. buh

I believe that human are self gaining bastard.

J,

I tried it your way. It dont work. You told me to pray for comfort and you tell me that maybe this is god's way of letting me grow but how am i growing?

i'm devastated and angry with the world.

2011-09-20T23:49:00.000-07:00

Where were you when I needed you most?

2011-09-20T12:53:00.000-07:00

No more giving myself hope. I love you peter, I really did.

Temptation

2011-09-20T11:27:00.000-07:00

I admit, I miss chris. Still love him and probably will remain loving him for quite some time but I know now that nothing could save that sinking ship. Now that it has sank, all that's left is memories.

Its time to move on. Met people along the way, good ones bad ones but I know he will not be there to protect me. I must learn to be strong, fight for what I want.

He told me this. " Some ppl live to change their lives. Some just live with it. "

I don't want to just live with it.

Also, I was so caught up with blaming him and then back at myself but he really cheered me up. It sounds stupid but..he said this...

Hey. If u say a rapist is innocent cos his prey was sexy then who do you blame if I kill an annoying person? Lol

He makes me see things in a different perspective and I'm thankful that I have friends like that.

Instead of burying myself in sorrow, I should count my blessing each day.

crossing the line

2011-09-20T00:48:00.000-07:00

Every girl dream of a fairy tale romance.

I thought i found mine but all he left me was the trail to the pieces of my broken heart.

I know i deserve better and like in dear john movie, i will find someone like that. hopefully. someone to love me and protect me but guess what, some crepe decided to shove his tongue down my throat the other day.

I ran away when i should have given him a tight slap.

Totally spoiling my mood and day and feeling crappy about myself, i met someone. He is funny and nice and cheers me up. However totally unavailable and a really nice friend. He makes me feel better about myself. Backed me up and stood up for me. The funny thing is he even offered to be my wingman.

lost

2011-09-01T14:18:00.000-07:00

Have you ever been brought down so low that you really want to salvage a relationship but he doesnt want you back.

5am in the morning, writing on a text message addressed to him but not knowing what to write.

Figuring how things went spiral and how you could go back to the past just to know that he will love you again.

It stupid.

I get it when he tell me i'm annoying or how he doesnt feel the need to reply me. I never seem to feel the need to reply any other guys too.

Knowing how bad it hurts to be treated like this, its starting to make me think if i should stop hurting him. How should i ? Should i give him a chance?

Why is it only when me and chris are not together will he treat me nicer? or for us to realize what we should have treasured.

Everyone tells me i should move on. I know i should but he makes it really hard for me.

He hovering. Why cant he be together with me if he loves me? Why does it have to involve her?

Maybe life is meant to be this way?

Maybe i should love him but yet move on.

I feel like i'm giving him an ultimatum but than again i dont want to hear if the answer is no.

This new guy on the other hand, he is crazy annoying but appears to genuinely care for me. I know i dont care much but it seems to hurt him yet he only wants me to be happy.

Why is the world so unfair.

My fear.

2011-06-11T09:40:00.000-07:00

I'm still shivering in fear, my heart still races even till now. Its just 5 stitches but that fall made me think that I could have disfigured myself, I could have died.

I'm really scared. I know its a stupid small fall.

Within a week I got so many injection and now I need to see a dentist. The thought that I could disfigured myself and he could leave me, scares me more than anything.

I'm afraid of riding bike now, the adrenaline rush isn't fun if things could go seriously wrong. I need time to cool down, to know that thing will be fine. I don't want to get myself killed. Suddenly I'm scare of death.

How am I suppose to be brave? I'm insecured and I really need someone to constantly tell me things are fine. I know its annoying and it sucks to keep telling someone who thinks everything is a big deal when its such a small fall but I'm afraid.

I hope he understands me. My fear, my insecurities and my racing heart of losing everything including him. I'm no longer calm and I can't think straight. I wanna cry cause everything is scary. It hurts and its painful.

I shall be brave but not yet not now.

My bad fall.

2011-06-11T07:16:00.000-07:00

My awesome bf has been so caring recently. After my screaming 5 stitches, my tooth gave way. Now I have I huge hole in my tooth. What scares me is everything seem to be falling apart.

I really appreciate him beyond words but I feel like I'm scaring him away. :(

He is going army soon and I don't wish everything to fall apart.

Why am I so needy. I should have stay home and nothing of this would happen.

Memories

2011-06-10T02:05:00.000-07:00

11 month together...

2011-05-29T09:46:00.000-07:00

Take a break

2011-03-21T04:02:00.001-07:00

Maybe sometimes I don't have to defend for him. Its his war to fight, he should prove his worth or maybe time will.

New clothes

2011-03-21T04:02:00.000-07:00

Recently I bought him clothes, they were gift for valentine's day actually.

The thing is, each time I see him wear them out, I feel so much more brighten up. I like the clothes that I bought him :)

Doraemon syndrome

2011-02-24T03:00:00.000-08:00

Come to think about it, guys with doraemon syndrome are sweet and sensitive.

I bet all the girls out there would love that.

Picture yourself in a hot weather, bf comes to you with tissue. If it rains, bf cover you with umbrella, when you are thirsty, he comes to you with a bottle of water.

Just like magic, he pop everything out of his bag. Wet tissues, maybe mascara (which is probably unrealistic), how about jacket when you are cold? Maybe a car to drive you home? Snacks when you are suddenly hungry? Pills when you fall ill? Rubber band when you snap yours? Camera to capture special moments?

Anyone ever realize that guys usually leave house with bring only their phone and wallet? I'm not referring to all guys... You girls get the point.

What's best is if doraemon have unlimited cash as well :D
A girl can only dream :)

Mermaid

2011-02-22T07:11:00.000-08:00

Swimming today with Peter was AWESOME.

A random comment, a random decision to swim due to the hot weather. He was finishing up he last day of school with a final presentation. Came to meet me in the school library dressed up, looking absolute smart and formal. Black top and long pants with his hair carefully styled. Passed me a jacket and headed home.

I told him that the weather was hot and i wanted to go for a swim. Instantly he said OK!

He got home and took his stuff. It was only 12. I studied in school till about 4pm while he came to school early to play COD with his friends. We took off and headed to YCK swimming complex.

Sadly, he had forgotten to bring his FBT shorts. Randomly he went to the store and purchase a trunk for about 20 bucks. Rather ex i would say but i was at shocked.

Looking great in tights, he went to shower in the open shower. The water droplets running down his face and to his body. Just before leaving the shower, he pushed back his hair sending droplets flinging off his face.

D: like a swim suit model walking out of the shot! annoyingly he was looking away when i wanted to take a photo!

Now probably exhausted? ( though he barely swam much ) He has dozed off at my house sofa! Haha.

I love you baby, check your bag if you see this :)

In awe

2011-02-21T04:00:00.000-08:00

This is the one photo of him that i absolutely adore and he has no idea!

Hearts of notes

2011-02-21T03:54:00.000-08:00

I did this for him today on his wall while he was asleep. :) once he is awake he will be surprised :D

up, alert and awake

2011-02-21T03:46:00.001-08:00

So i took a cup of tea and i couldn't sleep for the entire night. Though i cant say that i was entirely on mugging mood cause i was slacking quite a fair bit. Checking out youtube and watching the new about Amanda Knox. A American girl who was convicted for murder. Apparently there is a new movie coming up, film about that case.

Anyway, so i didnt sleep the whole night, took off in the morning and went to eat ke kou mian with chris. We were having alot of fun, talk and walking hand in hand.

We got to school early and sleep us, watched "couple retreat" in the school library for the first time! :) I took a short nap in dungeon while he was working on his FYP.

I like it that he made tea for me today :)

Sleepy him is now sleeping. Thanks for keeping me companied for the night while i studied.

I hope you rest well, and yes, you place is paradise. With SCV and kimi company :) more important SCV! haha. I love watching documentary!

Why I love him?

2011-02-20T08:26:00.000-08:00

Ian's birthday

2011-02-20T08:19:00.000-08:00

I love him. That's me looking cute and him looking ridiculously nerd! Haha!

Tweets.

2011-02-20T04:26:00.000-08:00

A man truly loves you when missing you is his hobby, caring for you is his job, making you happy is his duty, and loving you is his life.

Rings and souls

2011-02-20T00:27:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I looked into his eyes and I told him, " they say, our eyes are the windows to our souls".

I found myself staring into his eyes most of the time. Which is the one part of his feature I adore most apart from his well toned body.

Annoyingly he found out that I was scratching my hand. Flare up quite a bit.

Also I sprain my wrist which hurts a lot. It hurts when I try to open a can of drink or open a bottle cap, basically anything that got to do with twisting my wrist.

slim is overrated

2011-02-19T00:13:00.000-08:00

I thought i never say this but i'm too slim!

I'm on a mission to increase my weight. Supper, extra meal and yummy food!

I wonder if he minds about my weight and body.

As of today, i'm only 44.6kg! I always wanted to be slim since i was in secondary school but i learn that its not your appearance that shine but your character that shines.

I'm dont need to be slim to be loved. I dont need to be slim to feel confident.

love above all

2011-02-18T23:51:00.000-08:00

I cant seem to concentrate and study so I'm BLOGGING!

My bf is on the way to my house! I really miss him cause i haven seen him for ONE WHOLE DAY!

Silly me left my phone in school and i haven gotten back my phone since friday. So he went back to dungeon to get back my phone. Secretly he peeked at my twitter! I knew he was gonna do that!

I wrote saying " Recently, he scares me. The serious "I love you" look from him scares me "

SO he twit back using my twitter writing this " If I scare you with my "I love you" look, maybe I should just back down then"

So i'm confused, this is why in the first place i didnt want him snooping around my privacy. I didnt want him to back down. I want him to remain the way he is and yet let me have enough time for me to figure things out. Figure how i can strike a balance between loving him and obessesing about him.

Just yesterday, i told him i really miss him i didnt see him the whole day and that he should do that once in a while. Indeed absences makes the heart fonder. He then joke about not meeting me for A WEEK! I nearly screech into the speaker phone!

So someone did mention about he going army and whether i'm sure of what i'm doing?

The answer is.... No, i'm not sure. I cant forsee the future and neither do i want create unnesscessary expectation for him to stress him out either. I guess love is complex in that sense. You expect but you tell yourself not to expect, because it aint gonna help. You either get dissapointed or him gets stressed trying to meet your expectation.

I guess life is unpredicted in that sense, the element of mystery and a sparkle of spontaneous excitement.

I need to be able to feel that i can trust him and tell him everything and expect that he listen calmly. At the same time, its only fair to him that he does that as well and not allow me to make something that is bothering into something about me because of my jealous.

It is about love above it. To not make everything about selfish me and my jealously but something that he wants or something i want. I know i'm not making any sense but only i gets it.

feeling safe in my world.

2011-02-18T01:18:00.000-08:00

I feel like i have mixed feeling. I'm not if its good or bad.

I know i dont want to lose him. I feel like he is the one for me. So what is stopping me from loving him the way i should be.

Maybe because i've been hurt before? I'm secretly taking precaution to protect myself and i dont know if its right or wrong.

I need to not feel oblige and when i do, i forget about my insecurities. if you are reading this, dont tell me to blog, dont tell me you read my blog. Cause i need to feel ok to write what i think or feel. It not easy to write something with the constant reminder that i have to be mindful about what i write knowing that you are reading.

If i'm happy i blog, if i'm sad i blog. So i want you to secretly love me. Secretly know that i love you but act like you dont know :)
I feel free and i love myself so much more. I'm reading a new book call " every boy's got one" by meg cabot. Recommended by a good friend, mercy :) My recent sex gossip and tabloid update babe! So fun to be with her. We shop online and talk about sexy man and celebs gossips all the time and OMG! She has like all the new updates for american drama series shows! oh gosh! what took me so long to find my soul mate? haha! She is awesome and a good dose of fun when it comes to boring school.

Also, i just watched "just go with it" with bernard. The show was funny but i cant wait to go watch " No Strings attached" with stacy. I've been wanted to watch that movie months before. Ever before when the movie was up on advertisement! Ohh... it M18 hahah! so xiao han cant watch!

Apparently she and her bf went to watch "just go with it" too! but nah, you dont get to watch "NSA" whooo!

Gosh! I went to eat kkm recently with chris when he drove over to pick me up! aww... so sweet of him but kkm is addictive! omg! soo yummy!

I feel like eating it now... crap!

I'm so addicted to the song " just the way you are" by bruno mars. I know its been quite awhile but the song is so catchy and the lyrics is so meaningful. Cant seem to get it off my mind.

2011-02-18T00:01:00.000-08:00

sometimes i feel so small.

love is unexpected and confusing.

2011-02-17T23:27:00.000-08:00

Who ever said love is simple must be dreaming. The way i see it? love is confusing, complex and addictive.

You yearn for love, then it gets complex and then addictive cause the person have become a part of your life.

Valentine's day with surprising. I cant stop looking at my nails. A slightly off course from our original plan which was to marathon movie at my place and cook pasta together for dinner.

Chris turn up at my door with french toast and roses. It was so sweet of it. The french toast reminds me of the day we had our first breakfast made by me. So we cab to NEX and i was shock that he book a madi padi session for me.

It was such a treat for me. But sadly he had FYP to rush.

As for my pre valentine's day, that was one of the most fascinating dates. We took our skates and made our way to the reservoir. With light stick which reminded us of his birthday. The date was so.... there were no words to describe. The light wind was cooling as we skate hand in hand around. And we sang and danced and named the stars. I gave him a star and called it "AWESOME", where as he gave 3 stars and name it "i love you". It was one of the sweetest thing. :)

Anyway i went online just to purchse the same OPI colour i'm using now :)

Baby let me love you.

2011-02-11T07:20:00.000-08:00

I know I love him. I feel that feeling. The rush of love. The urge to rush over in a split second to kiss him. The lust to touch him.

His mine.

I miss you baby and you don't even know it.

2011-01-28T07:04:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I wonder, how he could single handedly drive away 2 amazing girl that really love him so much.

its a painful process

2011-01-21T02:22:00.000-08:00

Its gonna be a long and painful process. I love him I really do.

I'm really at a loss at what to do right now.

Thinking of changing my blog or locking it up to rant endlessly? But honestly what's the use. I'm better then this. I know that and I will pull through.

It so sad to know that what we had couldn't last. After all the ups and down, we did went through much more then what other normal relationship would have been. Now everything suddenly feels like a blur. Do I love him? Do I still want to wait for a jerk like that? My heart says one answer but my mind says another. Its a battle of which is stronger. To let myself get hurt even more while I follow my heart and give him my love wholeheartedly with no returns, or cut my losses and move on? Questions like this keep reminding me that I love him.

I guess its no longer up to me to decide. Since he thinks that he don't deserve me? Then yes, YOU don't deserve me.

All those bullshit about fighting the world for me, holding me in your arm till they fall off? Easier said then done.

Time heals all wound. What we had was real, he just fail to grasp that. He gave me up in exchange for mindless fun and freedom. I sure hope that he thinks its worth it cause we ended just like that.

2011-01-18T04:48:00.000-08:00

Finally I pass RTE! Took me long enough...

2011-01-14T20:32:00.000-08:00

He said we will pull through. Will we? But life goes on and I need to move on as well.

Time waits for noone. Maybe it was a form of relief for both of us.

It decided and its final, I don't want to drag any further. I'm packing up his stuff and keeping them away.

Tired :(

2011-01-09T19:29:00.000-08:00

My back is aching. Must be from working the long hours standing yesterday. Wasted 2 days not studying, now must catch up.

Also john has been really helpful, how I wish he is my group mate for other project as well, haha!

New tumblr!

2011-01-09T19:24:00.000-08:00

Apart from stacy buying me a starbucks tumblr which is orange and me working for the past weekend, everything is going great.
Was working with zoe on sat and pam on sun. Working was ok but slightly boring, and yesterday me and pam met 2 phyco! Omg! Anyway we had fun though standing 9 hrs was kinda tiring. We eventually started taking photos. (Shall upload one day)

After 9 long dreadful hours, chris came! He came to accompany me for dinner and send me home! And we had the most awesome beef cheese fried at charles J just like what ian suggested. Omg, like orgasm in my mouth!

Lunar new year is coming and chris invited me to go over to meet his family! Gee, quite excited and nervous.

So anyway whatever money I save, I'm buying my stupid bike and probably save early so I can go university some day if I have the opportunity or maybe travel with my bf?

Anyway its monday and the week repeats. Come to think of it, life is rather mundane unless you make the fullest out of every moment.

Love jas :)

Confused

2011-01-01T10:06:00.001-08:00

I'm scare. I'm confused.

There are no right and wrong answers.

New job new hamster

2010-12-21T06:55:00.000-08:00

So some updates, I seem to be getting a few event jobs which is gonna buck up my savings. So I'm planning a list of "TO BUY" and top of that list is a bike!

So my dad say that if I can afford a bike, he will let me drive so I should faster complete my class and get that bike!

Blink of an eye and 2010 is ending. Turning 21 next year soon. This means shu yi birthday is coming.

So medicure "checked"
Sentosa tanning "checked"

Oh and a new member soon to be! Syrian golden satin breed :) cost 45 buck for that little one but I have yet to get it. Its still so tiny and currently still at the pet shop for safety measures, cause it still needs its mummy!

I gonna be mummy and chris gonna be daddy, that is if he helps to take care! we have decided to name the little one jinny.

Working as santarina tomorrow and honestly I'm quite nervous and excited :) I thought it would start at 2 but it seems like we have to be there at 12. Anyway can't be bothered, I'm just gonna enjoy being pretty for the day :)

street soccer

2010-12-18T21:12:00.000-08:00

2010 is ending. Looking back at my resolutions, i barely completed any.

The rain yesterday was a bummer. Delayed my street soccer event but there was quite a number of team that turn up so something positive came out of it i guess. Drenched in the rain, the air was cold but gave a certain comfort. I could feel the droplets on my face and i was playing soccer barefooted in the rain as well. Jon even bought me a sandwich for lunch which is so sweet of him. We bought everyone drinks and the event was a success.

After talking photos, i decided to take cab home. Freaking cost me a bomb. Feel so tired but i cant wait to go out with friends :)

Annoyed

2010-12-17T11:35:00.000-08:00

The first day after exams that i get to spend my day at home, "supposedly relaxing", my dad pisses the crap out of me!

Its annoying enough that he puts the laptop and occupy a space of the sofa. Sofa is mean for seating not putting that fucking piece of shit! Arg!

Then he goes on about my stuff and then about my bike class.

This is retarded and i totally forgot about how annoying he can be when i'm home. Makes me want to go school even more rather then have holidays. Gosh!

And then my bike, if you dont want me to drive then dont take license la. WTF. Now i'm already half way through and you dont allow me to drive bike after i get my license, you might as well tell me dont take class, fucking waste my time.

Feel so annoyed and pissed!!! so many other things i want to complain about. And some idiot offended me today. It made me think about myself and what signals am i giving people? But C made me feel better after that.

missed my sentosa trip and was rather sad about it.

Anyway i wrote a list to things to do myself. After all, i gotta stop relying on people.

1) Read romeo and juliet. The classic romance literature

2) Find a nice cafe to read that book and chill all day with a nice cup of ice chocolate frap with extra whip cream

3) Medicures!

4) Sentosa trip tanning.

5) Go clubbing

6) watch movies

7) bake muffins

8) Go henderson wave

9) go botantical garden for a real pinic and read story book

10) Go and have a decent ice cream treat

So here are 10 thing i will do before school reopen. A girls gotta do, what a girls gotta do!

My first skate competition :)

2010-12-15T06:18:00.000-08:00

Those cute moments

2010-12-15T06:09:00.000-08:00

First step

2010-12-14T11:41:00.000-08:00

I'm slowly parting from the past. I'm glad I'm doing this but I want him by my side. I love him, I know I do. So many things I wish I could share with him but I can't turn back time.

I'm bothered by his past mainly because I care and love him. Maybe because I wish it was me that did all those things with him.

I went to meet him today and we had a great time. I helped him dye his hair and did treatment for him. Now his hair is brownish and soft :)

Also I realize that recently we went for movies more often, walked kimi (his dog), have dinner, watched tv and spent time that doesn't require skates. Partly I'm glad because of the rain which in a way gave us a reason not to. Yet I do hope he train hard and get world champ before he enters army.

He made a key for me today which marks a big step in our relationship. As for me, I'm making my own small contribution into our relationship as well.

I'm hugging his pillow but I'm missing him.

Dont ask, Dont question, just listen

2010-12-12T20:26:00.000-08:00

I miss those days, those secondary school days. Where i put all my thoughts and worries into this tiny blog. Writing entries longer then my essay for exams. All the details of my thoughts recorded as part and parcel of life.

i'm gonna do that again. She reminds me of me 3 years back.

She makes me feel less of myself and that i dont deserve what i have right now. It makes me angry and on the verge of giving up each time. She makes me hate him and doubt myself but yet, constantly i keep finding myself going back to torture myself.

They say curiosity kills the cat. I'm that cat that keeps going back.

It took my long enough but yet easier to hate the first S, but why so angry about the second?

I think back in life and suddenly i wish i could go back in time a redo everything. I wish i never liked R, put more focus in studies, learn skating earlier, read more books. There is so many things in life i want to do that i never thought i could do them myself.

Constantly relying on people for help. It too late to get out of it and start my life all over.

20th bday photos

2010-11-30T23:29:00.000-08:00

Busy busy busy

2010-11-18T09:42:00.000-08:00

After skate comp, school work is now my main focus. A lot to catch up but too little time.

Planned an amazing birthday bash for my darling boy who has jus turn 19 and I'm glad we made it through over and over after so many near break up situation!

Shall go and sleep early! Toodles!

Amazing bf, amazing birthday!

2010-11-07T07:38:00.000-08:00

I had the best time of my life. The celebration was amazing and my bf was with me through. I love you baby. Thanks for everything.

Shall update blog soon when I get photos from yiwei but as for now? Busy busy studies to catch up and skating to focus!

Whine

2010-10-29T06:21:00.001-07:00

I want to whine. I want to whine all day long. That training is tiring, studies is boring, neck is straining, bruises are hurting, I am sweating. My butt hurts, my arms hurt, back ache, knee pain, cramp hurts.

Arg... All I wanna do now is get home now, hug my bf pillow, cuddle bengy and sleep in aircon room.

So tempted to cancel tml bike class.

Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld from M1.

Photos from night safari!

2010-10-27T21:50:00.000-07:00

Overslept

2010-10-27T21:26:00.000-07:00

Been quite stressed out recently. Maybe it is the school, maybe the skates SNFC, maybe the classmates issues. I know that i have been going on about this for the past 3 days already and i should just let it go. But the blood boils in me. Arg.

I thought that it would be a nice change around without B around but guess what? I missed my lecture and now he is lending me notes. Yesterday he got concern and called me up. Told me that if i needed help or notes, go to him rather then go to other people. Apparently there are some issues and i cant be bothered to ask.

It sucks. i hate i'm me sometimes. Cause i get piss off so easily and B used to have his way with both me and the class. Now i'm left with me, i have to work harder.

Never really like such competitive career to begin with. Like out to oust everyone out.

Come to think of it, i've never been a group person since i left secondary school. The group thing was also so hard to maintain and it gets harder as the groups becomes bigger. 8 girls in school was like war. So why am i trying to hard to fit in?

Being left out may be a scary feeling but i have commitments, other commitments that i have to focus rather then my stupid feelings. I have an AWESOME bf, awesome girl friends, awesome skating skills, awesome family and awesome guinea pig!

That just about everything i need right now. * AND MAYBE MORE CHOCOLATE OR NEW YORK HOKEY POKEY ICECREAM!

The stayover

2010-10-23T09:48:00.000-07:00

Official passing down was held at sp house recently, and I had a hell loads of fun. Though the day before I barely had enough sleep since I was up on phone till 8am.

Still winning was one thing, while me and chris and yanzhi won quite abit. Then there was the king dare where hell break loose!!!

I can't wait for the photos to be up and for me to post in blog.

I remember when jia yi said this. " Jasmine arh, I realise you like iron lady, fierce wor, chris this chris that! "

Chris replied was : " there is not such thing as a husband who is afraid of his wife, there is only husband who respect their wife. "

For that, everyone clapped and I was really touched when he backed me up.

Then as the fun settle down, me and chris went home at dawn. He looked at me in the eyes while waiting for the bus then kiss me gently on my lips.

We ended up sleeping half the day off and waking up straight for scape skate practice. I manage to do a 10 cone footgun once and I'm so happy when everyone clapped. Even more when chris came over to see me skate.

After skating he flare up for abit which got me quite scared but nevertheless it was ok and i went over to his place. We watched documentaries and he made food for me.

When it was time to sleep, he took a pillow and went to the sofa leaving me his bed all to myself :) so gentleman of him. I told him that I was scare to fall asleep because I feel so happy about what we are having now that one day it might be gone. So I refuse to sleep knowing that if I sleep, I'll be wasting time to stay awake with him.

He put me to bed, sat by my side and whisper into my ears saying that when I wake up, he will be the first I see and that nothings gonna change then kiss my ear and forehead softly. So I fell asleep while he was beside me, caressing my skin ever gently to comfort me.

That was the best moment of my life and when I woke up, he was really beside me at 6am in the morning.

I feel blessed to have him. <3

Always yours, jasmine
Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld from M1.

The path to romance

2010-10-19T08:39:00.001-07:00

I realize that recently my bf has been treating me rather sweet.

Sweet talks a lot
Pays more attention to me
Romance our relationship
Dotes me

Just today he accompanied me to transfer money and walked me to my bus stop when he could have gotten a ride from john to the interchange instead. Something that he usually does. Maybe its because of the transferring of money and dark alley? But whatever it is, I was happy.

Smiling even when I writing this.

I realize that the lesser you think about what he is gonna do and let him take the initiative, its more sweet.

I guess some times you have to take a leap of faith and trust your bf.

I fail driving class today!!! Almost pass la! Stupid bike!
Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld from M1.

by chris

2010-10-11T12:29:00.001-07:00

written by chris, i feel so touched.

baby (: my pillow has your sweet smell. and it feels as though I'm just next to you. I love you so much. and I hope you feel it <3

Its jus me and him

2010-10-08T11:08:00.000-07:00

Things are going fine between me and chris which is a good thing. Taking it slow isnt too bad. We are starting to get along better. So now we are dealing with emotions more rather then hide behind intimacy.

For a change, he is really putting in effort into our relationship and i really appreciate what he is doing. Though i still whine about wanting more attention now and then but ultimately i happy with how the way turns out between us. Afterall i know that for me, it is easier, but for him, it is much more tougher which is why i really appreciate it.

We went through alot and made it alive.

Went clubbing the other day with him and some other skaters. It was awesome. Didnt thought that i would ever enjoy clubbing with my bf but he was amazing on the dance floor too! And i saw quite a few random people there. It was a nice change for once that he actually got worried about me, having other guys approaching but yet i secretly believe that he is proud to have me as gf when jem told him i have a nice figure. Boys and their trophies mentality. so cute!

And of course, he jealousy, shows that he cares. Totally CUTE MAX!

I know now that we are building our own memories from ground zero. <3

Skate vs love

2010-10-03T10:41:00.000-07:00

It hurts. Like a gunshot to my heart. Just because of a late reply, he got angry?

Have he ever thought about the countless late reply i have to put up with him. Still here i am trying to be patient with him, asking what happen and all he can do is tell me he wants to sleep.

Nearly on the verge of tears. I'm clueless about how i should approach him.

I should give him freedom, i should not irritate him. i should this, i should that?

He dont know how much it hurts me when he choose to just ignore and close up. Cause what? he thinks it is not important and he rather ignores it.

I dont feel like i'm dating him. I feel solo. It is very different from my past relationship and apparently without a manual to guide me what to do.

I feel like going back. Hiding in my past. I want to cry cause i feel that i'm not strong enough for this.

I took a bet and gave it all in. I just dont know if i'm ready to lose that just yet.

pam,yiwei,shuyi. I envy you guys having great guys loving you. Cause what sucks more then having someone who doesnt return you love, is having someone you love yet clueless about.

I'm scare

2010-10-01T10:02:00.001-07:00

I'm scare. I have no idea why. When he is around, my emotions are naturally smoothen down. But when I'm alone, that's when I feel insecured.

What is he doing. Does he really want this. Do I want skating. Is our relationship strong enough. Why does skating mean so much to him than me. All these qn keep coming into my mind and I can't block them out.

I don't want to have to think that I'm better off without him. Maybe its true but I don't want. I got into this relationship half knowing he is this way and also not fully committed into our relationship but I hoping. Hoping that one day maybe longer, given time he would change his mind set and mature up into committing into our relationship. Into future plan and not just puppy love dating.

I'm scare.

2010-09-30T03:53:00.001-07:00

I can't deny that I'm elated about things between me and chris. This small little steps we are taking and the skate camp brought us even closer. I don't know where it will lead us but its a step. A tiny one...

But now I'm scare. The moment B.J ask if I could commit into skating, I really like the opportunity. My mind work so fast it plans so far ahead. Do I have time? If I do, what will suffer? My relationship.

I can barely take it that chris is skating so much but now me too? Where will we find time? what If like the past repeats? He and me nearly quit npinline once but this? This is different.

I don't see our relationship strong enough for this. I not saying that I have to really make a choice now but come'on, realistically speaking, it is true that something is bound to suffer.

Actually he say that he feels stressful dating me, actually I feel more stressful dating him instead. Maybe cause I think way further then him. I'm more emotionally affected.

Is it even possible to continue skating if we break up? Not forgetting my studies already suffer a blow after korea trip.

I am feeling tired already. Happy but tired.

So many thing yet so little time

2010-09-19T08:13:00.001-07:00

If only I had more time. I feel like the day passes in a blink of an eye.

I want to read the paper, read my book, read literature novels and study all those english books. I want more time, more time but with companions.

I miss ...... I miss....

Quotes from " the lucky one" N.S

2010-09-16T02:00:00.000-07:00

Sometimes the most ordinary things could be made extraordinary, simply by doing them with the right person.

Remind myself

2010-09-03T07:57:00.000-07:00

Its not that I love him less. Its just that what I want is just not enough from him.

Put everything into words

2010-09-02T23:46:00.000-07:00

Just now, when B when told me that he is sick. I told him to go rest.

His reply to me was, " why you so not care about me. "

He whine about me not being more caring for him when i feel like thats the most i can do.

I bet this is how chris feels the same for me. I believe that when you care for a person, whatever you give in, you hope that in return that person will care as much for you as well. But sometimes, just sometimes, that dont telly.

Like how B feels that i dont treat him good enough and how i feel that C dont treat me good enough. Its like a circle and i kind of get how it feels.

You see? I feel the need to care for him. Not because i want to but i need to. Thats the difference and maybe thats what C is feeling right now for me.

With all the drama with his ex and now trying to process what he said before. All those things he said to me, on impulsion. I guess i really needed this 2 weeks away from him to see things clearer.

Do you know how it feels to be totally blinded? To agree everything he said but deep inside you know thats not you yet you dont mind at that moment as long as you are with him. haha. That sucks! haha

I feel like i think of others more then i think of myself or simpliy more for bfs in particular. I need to take time off B and C then spend more time for myself. Do the stuff i like to do in the past. Slack all day, watch dramas, read story book. Where are all my goals? My read 12 books a year and save 1 k and travel and all those other bullshit i call new year resolution.

From now, i do what i like. I do what i want. If i want to shop, i shop. If i want to wear pretty dress, i wear pretty dress. If i dont want to leave the house but want to slack all day, i shall do that! pamper myself with facial mask.

so about him

2010-09-02T21:32:00.000-07:00

I realise that every blog entry is so about him.

Anyway i recently met yiwei to study. Saw the way cz treats her, sees her and love her. I envy her.

" how you protray, is how you want people to see "

I miss blogging. Blogging about crappy shit. Gossiping about people! haha...

This 3 weeks of YOG break hasnt been easier on me. First bf then family then stress with alot of things.

I guess, sometimes i really put too much thinking into something not necessary.

2010-08-23T02:58:00.000-07:00

When chris said to me " why did I let you go in the first place..." And then held me in his arm really tight, my heart melted and I was so touched by him.

Happy me nevertheless, I must be careful this time. I don't want to be sad again.

2010-08-20T00:42:00.002-07:00

I was blinded by my love for him to think what he was doing to hurt me.

Over and over. I believed him... It was not enough.

He is never gonna treat anyone good enough. And I don't want to have to go through it a second round to find out that again.

So our relationship ends here, so as our friendship.

It hurts where it is deepest

2010-08-14T10:27:00.000-07:00

I know i'm better then this, after R, whats more of another C.

It hurts so much to be his friend. To even try to be happy when i just want to cry my heart out.

To sms him and act happy.

To hear him say i love you when all i want to tell him is to stop saying that cause you are thinking of her and not me and thats hurting me.

I dont want his pity love.

I dont want him to say i love you because he thinks it will make me feel better, cause it doesnt!

But more importantly i cant tell him cause if i do so, we have nothing left. Nothing to talk about.... nothing left...

I cannot let myself dwell into this anymore. I'm so done.

Love

2010-08-07T14:24:00.000-07:00

I thought I'll never find love again, but love found me.

FML

2010-08-04T21:05:00.000-07:00

I hate school! Arg!? Why can't I understand costing and tax! I really have to buck up.

Its getting on my nerves that I can't do the question. I hope I graduate soon!

Suppose to go see doc but it has a sign put up saying " overwhelming patients, waiting hour is roughly 3hrs " then the nurse came over and tell me registration only starts at 1.30pm when I'm at the clinic at 11.30. FML!
So skipping the clinic visit, I think I'm well enough so I shall head to school and study.

As for skate? I'm improving in little ways but I forgotten to bring my guards with me~ also, riding eric bike last tue was awesome!!! Makes me wanna get my own bike licence. Currently in the midst of phyco-ing my parents into letting me get a bike lience...

Love at sight!

2010-08-02T20:26:00.000-07:00

I was so touched when I saw him first thing in the morning waiting outside my doorstep.
Half awaken, late for school with un combed hair, I headed out for the door after grabbing whatever shirt I could put on. I look so sloppy as compared to him wearing formal this morning. I should have guessed it but I was too distracted worrying about his ex.

Blushing all the way as we went to school together. I love him.

The myth of wishes

2010-08-01T00:22:00.001-07:00

Heard of the eyelash wish? When one drops an eyelash, you make a wish and blow it away.

Today I made a wish and that is for chris to love me.

I did not wish for a lasting relationship, instead I wish for love, cause I don't want to be in a relationship where my partner don't love me. If so, then what's the point of a lasting relationship.

And if not, being in a short relationship but having someone who truly loves you, maybe the best next option, cause at least you know that he was true to you during that period.

But of course, if I have a guy who truly loves me then most probably we will last...

He said he love me

2010-07-31T12:00:00.000-07:00

He said he love me.

The other day, when he left for class but came back half way, I thought he came back cause he had forgotten to take something. Instead he walked toward me while I was half doing my homework and asking what he had supposedly forgotten, and he kissed me on my forehead. Abit shocked and taken aback, he smile and said bye then left for class.

I am addicted to him and his kisses...

Our first month!

2010-07-30T07:46:00.000-07:00

As quick as a blink of eye, its a month with chris. Still ever loving him like crazy.

Though little arguments here and there.

Sometimes i feel like i expect too much from a person and get my hopes up. He said he will change for me and i hope he does. Also, i have to be more understanding....

How interesting things goes in a circle and i'm actually here trying to understand this rather then bitch the crap out of everything.

But there is one thing that i know and it is, different people express love differently, so maybe he does love me alot in his ways, just that i have yet to find out.

Sentosa outing with skate club

2010-07-25T03:58:00.001-07:00

The begining of our journey...

2010-07-25T02:58:00.000-07:00

Missing addiction

2010-07-23T01:19:00.000-07:00

I'm surely gonna miss him... With him so busy and barely getting enough rest, my hearts pains for him. Even though it is just a few days not seeing him.

I need to grow up and mature but I'm falling into this thing with him call "US". Not long a individual thing of me and him.

Recently JH followed me on twitter and I actually allowed. I'm starting to wonder if I'm doing the wrong thing? Afterwhich he texted me. I hope things don't replay again. I so sick and tired and this aint a good time to handle so many exs at the start of my fabulous relationship with my awesome national skater boyfriend.

I saw this phrase tattooed on a girl's neck just now. "In that moment, it was infinite for me"

I'm not going to say for definite that me and C will last, cause I learnt that the more I expect the more I get disappointed. And unlike other girls, jasmine don't settle for upset, she kills to appease her mood. But as of now, I really love him. Though he is annoyingly stubborn and unromantic (he claims that he have yet to so how romantic he can be) but yes, it is for me infinite now.
Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld from M1.

Here I am

2010-07-21T11:16:00.000-07:00

I can't wait for the bursary money to come in fast enough. Submitted the resume to the school already but it seems like there is some technical glitch with the MOE system which is forever slow and pissing me too.

Can't MOE like hiring someone to update their system and make it more efficient??? Gosh!

My phone bill went up the roof and there is so many other expenses to hold up. Along with my bf, he is tired out from school, skates, work, and me! Not only is he fully committed skates, nevertheless he doesn't neglect me. With up coming exams for me and korea competition for him, that makes 2 busy people.

As for b, things has been rough for him. I can tell but I can't help it. Maybe its true that once broken up, it is almost impossible to get back as friends.

I feel so lazy these couple of days. I need to clock in extra hours of studies and still find time to skate and date and go out with friends but my parents aint making it any easier for me.

I'm almost 20 for god sake!
Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld from M1.

about love

2010-07-14T07:16:00.001-07:00

Many great love comes to a tragic end, but that doesn't mean they are not worth having.

I recently got to know about the ironic love of Henry and Boleyn sisters. I should find the time to go library and borrow the story about about their love...

Back to me

2010-07-14T00:09:00.000-07:00

I realize that recent entries has always been about him. And honestly, it is making me sound obsessive about him. Back to square one, me now!

Apart from the bf, studies has been ok. Trying to cope with my time and family. Also I hate it when people are obsess about promises or like statement.

Though I get that promise is made for a purpose but it is not like everyone remembers every promises they made in life or every statement they make. Big or small, people says things from time to time and that's what they feel at that moment. You can't just go and say, " hey, I thought you wanted to do this and that, why you didn't now? "

So are you like fucking telling me that if you said you want to be a policeman when you are a kid, you have to be one right now?

Decision change, people change.

Neither am I perfect.

Listen with your heart

2010-07-13T23:13:00.001-07:00

And this is what he said to me...

Silly you (: what me and her had was in the past. We have many many more memories to come. Innocent or not, crazy wild or not. These memories will be ours (: don't be jealous of what me and her had. Because what me and you will have will be much more special (:

I feel so touched...

monday blues

2010-07-13T08:46:00.000-07:00

Apparently my bf likes hacking into my blog and spamming entries!

Yesterday on our "DATE MONDAY", we went out on a date for movie. It is our first time watching movie together and we watched "Despicable Me".

Alot things happen after that and it made me realize that i love him more then i think i do.

It made me anxious
It made me scared
It made me freaked out
It made me cried

let bygones by bygones. He promised to move on and i promised to give him time.

Its Tuesday and chris is sick. So i surprise him by bringing lunch and medicine over to his place. We had a fun time tgt and though i feel jealous and sad to hear his past, i want to hear! Even though it may hurt, i want to be a part of your life and hear you out, hear about your life before you knew me.

chris said that i've change, i feel that too. Slightly because i met him, i feel.

Now, i have to go catch up with my studies and start mugging like hell!

2010-07-13T04:13:00.001-07:00

HELLO YOU. YOU'RE BESIDE ME NOW AND YOU HAVE NO IDEA THAT I'M IN YOUR BLOG. HAHAHAHA. YOU LOOK LIKE A BLUR SOTONG NOW. I WONDER HOW LONG IT'LL BE BEFORE YOU REALIZE THAT I'M TYPING CRAP IN YOUR BLOG <3

CHRIS IS AWESOMEZX.

when chris meets family and friends

2010-07-11T10:08:00.001-07:00

In order to help out chris's friend with a short video shoot, i went over his place yesterday. His parents saw me, and fortunately, it was good responds.

After filming, we took a bus and headed over to my place. Went for dinner with my mum and sis. Things seems to be moving at the right track with him around. My sister joked alot with him which made it easier for him to mingle along and the funniest thing is, after all these time that i've known him, all those punk'd moment, he finally got a taste of his own medicine by my sis!

My sister tricked him into thinking he sat on guinea pig shit!!! He immediately jump up to check and it was dead shit hilarious!

When it was time to go home, i felt bad cause, he stay so far away from my place. For him, it would be at least an hour plus of lonely ride home. This is why, i'm learning to get used to it and not make him send me home. I insist it is a waste of time traveling when he could use to time to reach home early and rest.

And though i see him almost everyday, each time when we have to leave for home, i cant bare to part with him. I wish i could spend more time, i wish he could stay over, i wish i could stay over at his place.

Today, it was the day he meet my friends. Everything went smoothly and we really had lots of fun. though, i can never stop feeling gulity of having him sending me home, i really love it when he does. I get to sleep on his comfy shoulder and snore away through the journey back home. With his arms around mine and lips kissing my forehead while i was half asleep.

i cant help feeling insecured about many things but i aint the same girl back then. I will give him his space and time.

Once, some guy told me, the more you hold on and the tighter you grip thinking that it will make him stay, the faster you lose him just by doing so. So relax, shower him with all the love you can before hand and then take a step back to pamper yourself and not think.

Still baby, like what i've said, i love you and no matter what, i will always be here for you.
I'm a call away, and if you think that calling would be troubling me, remind me to spank you!

2010-07-10T10:24:00.001-07:00

HI BABY YOU SHOULD LEARN TO UPDATE YOUR BLOG MORE OFTEN IF NOT I'LL HACK IT AND FILL IT WITH RANDOM POSTS LIKE THIS. HAHAHA. TODAY WAS FUN. CANT WAIT TO MEET YOUR FAMILY AGAIN. MAKE SURE YOU FASTER BLOG OKAY?

SEE YOU AT ECP IN ABOUT 11 HOURS! :D

I LOVE YOU <3

The beautiful night

2010-07-08T10:04:00.000-07:00

Angry, pissed and upset yesterday. So bottled up with emotions and I can't figure how to let him understand me.

I know I shouldn't compare it's not right, but I don't want B to be the one understanding me more then him. It's him I want to understand me.

Eventually we talked till the late nights and he was so tired. He did his best to calm and cheer me up. Stutter and fumbling for words, he sounds like a child trying to lie. He is equally nervous as me but he is hiding just so I'm able to feel safe with him. Deep down inside I can tell he is feel the same as me, insecured.

Had lunch together and sat for test. Though test ended, I couldn't wait for time to fly fast enough for me to meet him again. I was constantly looking out for the time, for my phone and for the numbers to say 4pm, class dismiss!

He skate, I taught. Dinner out with buddies and I went home hugging something of his. It's his pillow!!!

He is fast asleep right now, probably sick too... His skates, his hectic life, I'm well known of. Still I stumble into him and cut his path.

Now it is us. I miss him, I miss him and I still miss him. Except now I miss him while hugging his pillow. Xp

Unfortunate event

2010-07-06T09:37:00.000-07:00

Just that day while waiting at the bus-stop with chris on our date, we met K and his gf.
Though awkward as it is, chris was there to calm me down.

Also i saw stella sister!!! so i heard her little secret...

Saturday me and chris is going to skate out to see fireworks along with some other skaters, still i know it is going to be fun. On top of that, this sunday will the first meeting he will see my friends.

A little nervous about what my friends will think about him, but i guess he will pull through their tests! haha...

P.S : pam shuyi and yiwei, i have yet to get the photos you guys took at sentosa leh!!!

2010-07-06T00:26:00.000-07:00

HELLO JASMINEKWEKYUHAN <3

IT'S CHRISTOPHER PETER CHONG HERE. I REMEMBERED YOUR PASSWORD SO I'M HERE TO HACK YOUR BLOG. DO YOU KNOW SOMETHING? I'M AWESOMEZX. YOU BETTER REMEMBER IT! BECAUSE IF YOU DON'T, I'LL KNOCK YOUR HEAD :D

<3

Our monday deal

2010-07-05T09:14:00.000-07:00

* we agree that every Monday will be our date day. Also it will be our " No happy " day. Our little logo secret.

We are crazy about each other.

He is awesome and we both share great passion. Skating, reading and many more...

Maybe cause it is the start of our honeymoon relationship. I still do care about our personality. After all we are both strong headed, stubborn and extremely fierce. If we do fight.... i wonder who will win? haha...

Just recently, last Saturday, we went to CC cafe to have waffles and ice cream. We chat, we hug and we cuddle. I actually like the part where he reads cause this way, both of us can slack at cafe and read together during the holidays.

Since i didnt have class today, i went to accompany him while he do his drawings. After which we headed to woodland to have dinner because he had a meeting to attend to.

Before finally sending me home, we sat at the nearby park and chat. I always thought of him as some small boy. Afterall he is only about.. say 176cm in height? And then i was telling him stories of how guys piggy back girls and stuff.

Just as i finish, he told me that he was stronger than i think he was. After saying, he took my by surprise and scoop me up with both arms!!! As though i was a bag, where you pick up and go.

we laughed so loud till my jaw was tired and my cheeks were cramping. He was laughing till his eyes were teary!!! we both had such a fun time.

So many exciting things we done, we laughed and still at the end of the day, he loves me.

He knows exactly what to do and the right time. As he kisses me good bye on my forehead with his hands on my waist and neck. I could tell he really loves me...

Thanks baby for everything. For loving me as me and accepting my past. Crazy me, naughty me, exciting me, adventurous me, sexy me, annoying me, moody me, crappy me and happy* me!

My new silly guy!

2010-07-04T09:07:00.000-07:00

His name is Christopher Peter Chong.

After a horrid break up with K, i thought things were will drowning for me. With the upcoming skate camp and his gf turning up for a camp that i was in charge? Everything felt over whelming.

K is someone i cant predict or guess what he is thinking. All those thoughts keep coming to me as though it was tsunami, flooding my mind constantly and suffocating me. I was the one who thought i was all well round for fun and flings but apparently i'm not.

During skate camp, the most unexpected thing happen. I met chris. We met on day zero camp, he kept me occupied and away from kevin and i was appreciative. That day, since i couldnt sleep, i sat there listening to all his diving trip but sadly he had to leave the next day at 5am to Malaysia for another diving trip. We chat all the way till dawn and when he was leaving, i gave him a brief hug, thinking that i was glad to have a friend and honestly, i needed that hug to myself.

Never did i thought that hug marks the beginning of us. Not i and you in individual but "US".

Unfortunately, he was refused from custom to enter into Malaysia. So he ended up coming back for skate camp. We played, organize games, ate meals together, skate, talked, laughed and most importantly, he listens to me. Not with his ears, but with his heart.

There was a connection between us. I know i felt it and i know he felt that too but both of us were too afraid to admit it. During the night walked, we were suppose to pretend ghost together at the same station and honestly, both of us along with two other friend in the double door male toilet.... it was scary! With the background music of "One missed call" we were not only scaring the campers but ourselves too before they came about. In the dark, he hugged me.

During prank nights, we played and draw on people. We talked through the nights while it was drizzling and hid in the small shelter. Our attraction for each other grew during the camp as he cared for me, when i'm sad and when i fell down. It was undeniable and special.

He kisses me good night on my forehead, and when we actually kiss, it was amazing. I was surprise that he was such a good kisser.

As camp as ending, we thought that was the end of it too but the more we tried to part, the more we wanted to be together. We went of skate urbans and training, had amazing french toast and made pasta too! Eventually we fell in love and our journey begins here...

He past was harsh on him, as was mine. Both of us are afraid to fall in love again in fear of breaking ones heart all over again. But here we are, learning to embrace each other.

I love the way he hug me. That way he pat my head and say that everything will be ok. The way he knows how to cook and washes the dishes. I love that he is mummy's darling boy. He is a achiever and a hard worker.

I love the way he looks into my eyes and tell me i'm beautiful. The way he looks at my lips before he kisses me. The way he held my hand as we skate from ecp to town. Or that when he kissed me infront of everyone when he knows i feel insecure being ask if we were together.

He make me feel safe again. For that i love him.

2010-06-29T00:13:00.001-07:00

chris is awesome <3

real or not?

2010-06-26T23:50:00.000-07:00

Admire? Adore? Idolise? Like? or Love?

I thought that it was his skills that caught my attention and attracted me but yesterday he made me realize, it is him that i adore.

I dont care about his skills, i like the way he treats me. He made me feel confident of myself and secured when people made me feel the worst out of myself.

out of place

2010-06-25T10:17:00.000-07:00

i think i'm not ready... my heart is racing with adrenaline, and i'm scared. So scared and no one knows it. Maybe i'm pmsing, maybe not.

If i cant figure out what love is, why drag him into my life then. Wont that be repeating history?

It is suffocating and torturing. I wish there was a restart button.

I feel soo.. soo.. out of his world.

back tracking

2010-06-12T01:48:00.000-07:00

A twist of fate and i'm right back where i belong. I cant thank enough for having great friends like pamela, shuyi and most of all yiwei.

Be it boyfriend or boyfriend-less, they are soo supportive. I've seen different type of people, all kinds that would bring u down or more. Some tell you how to live your life, others tell you get over it. It must be harsh on Ed having such friends.

I dont mean that they care less than my friends just that, their method of caring seem abit harsh on him and i'll just really glad my friends arent like that.

It seems like there is alot of update. Exams has ended thats one thing for sure and skate camp is coming up. Honestly, i cant predict what will happen at skate camp but i'm sure i'll be fine cause i know i'm stronger than that.

Also, i thought i will never -(or maybe at least prayed ) never to bum into Him and Her. First love is hard to forget i guess. And though i thought me and k was something more, i was wrong. He moved on. So how hard can it be compared to the hurt i felt for the first?

Now that he is the least on my mind, i have more to worry. My cupboard was wreaked by mold and i had to clear the entire cupboard and wash all my clothes... tedious!

B, however came over and helped me out with the cleaning and later we had butter toast and watch football tgt. Actually i wasnt watching, more like accompanying him.

i smile again!

2010-06-03T07:51:00.000-07:00

Maybe my mood is really high or i'm crazy.

I was looking through photos, and i smiled. At least i know i loved him. Thats one is the pictures... =D